Oh, well I haven't seen you in a while...

    It's been four years.
    Wow. Four years.
    There's been a lot that's happened since then and to be honest, I'm questioning how I survived it. I won't get quite into everything, but overall, my blog was started when I was still in shock from my mother's death on July 16th, 2011. 2012 is blank to me now. Completely. I barely remember writing these posts, or writing my books, or meeting people or when I had a horrible break up with my first boyfriend, that if it hadn't ended, I'd probably still be with him. Life has been insane.
    I've been through hell and back. The hyperness? That only just recently came back. I was a hollow existence for more than a few years while plastering a pretty smile on my lips to escape judgement and intrudes. I lost friends I pulled away from, completely shut down, and spent more time that I wish to admit in the psych ward.
    You'd never guess from my previous posts here, the four that exist with one video, that I was actually suffering pretty bad and was diagnosed that year with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). My mother's lead-up to her eventual death was a bit more dramatic than I cared to share.
    Now it has been four years. Four years since I've stopped hiding the issues, let go of my old self, and rediscovered a new identity that I try to grasp in anyway I can, and feels as if it's always been there. I found myself being bullied by three major groups of people that each have bullied me for the same reason. Said the same things. I've gotten used to the words that would've crushed me before. I had always been coddled by my parents, sisters, and friends, and it was new to discover that even adults who are more than double your age can bully you the same way dead-beats from a small town can.
    However, it hasn't all be dark and dreary.
    I was accepted to Massachusetts College of Pharmacy and Health Science University on a hefty scholarship and have kept a GPA of 3.72 and graduated from Charlestown High School with a GPA of 4.10 (how? Do not ask, I don't know). I have a few close friends that are amazing and a joy in my life, and have kept me going even when I think I've fallen. I met this wonderful man who've I've been with for a year and half and wouldn't trade anything for him, and we go about life in successive adventures of research, debates, light competition, and of course continuous dancing. I live at home with my wonderful father, and still have a good relationship with both my sisters and have gotten closer to my extended family. I stay with my boyfriend's wonderful family during the summer, and they are everything to me in all that they are and accept me and my flaws and clinical illnesses.
    I haven't ended any of my hobbies of writing, painting, and even filming! Cam fully supports these hobbies, and was with me during one of them. It has been wonderful living out my life, and the memories I do have left are treasured, even the ones that are a little bit on the more sad side.
    I have lost a lot and this blog was supposed to be about my crazy adventures, opinions, music and other things. Now, that won't change, but the reason for writing will; I am no longer going to hide behind the fallacy that everything was okay. Because sometimes, it's not, and that is not a bad thing. Crisis isn't something to fear, it is an opportunity to learn and grow far beyond the horizons you have built in your times of peace. I never thought I would make it the way I did, that I was able to succeed so well while still being a mess. Yet, we're all messes. I've learned that the most from this past year. We all have a problem, one or another. I have become strong while being weak, and have kicked ass if I do say so myself.
    I haven't seen you in a while, and a lot has changed, including my perspective, but I'm still the same crazy, over-enthusiastic, prideful, hyper, ridiculous fifteen year old that started this blog over four years ago. Maybe this time around, we might start being a bit more honest about what it's really life in the Life of Elizabeth McGrath.

(P.S. BY THE WAY; a few awesome and big events have happened between then and now and one of them is my gorgeous sister Erica got married!! I wanted to restart this blog when she did but I was too air-headed and full of an AP physics class to really get it going but you'll probably see many more photos and blog posts about these two kiddos who have been there for me and succeeded like the bosses they are!! Yay for my sister and brother in law, Mr. and Mrs. Andrew Leman!!)

*Pictures

Reggie Lewis Athletic Center, graduation

"If We Made It" CampusMovieFest, Cam and I

New York, left-right, me, Erica, Andrew, Dad!